Love Bandits
by Mimic12355
Summary: Lifty and Shifty have stolen many things in their lives. Can their skills in thievery and deceit be any use to steal a woman's heart? Pairings pending. R
1. Rough Morning

Welcome and thank you for coming, today's featured fan fiction will be one of love, drama, humor, and two poor unfortunate raccoons. You will laugh, cry, and feel that mushy, cuddly feeling when you see people in love….. usually.

Anyways, you will find some of your favorite characters displayed in this story, but not all of them. I will try my best to portray them as close to their original characters as I can while giving them further development. So without further ado…

* * *

**Love Bandits**

It is a quiet morning as the dawn break in the city of Happy Tree Town, located in Happy Tree Valley within Happy Tree Forest. All one can see when gazing across the land is green with a clear blue sky. Flowers, trees, and plants paint the landscape with modest touches of urban meddling thrown in the scene. Even the houses themselves resemble the very trees in nature. No one can suspect anything bad happening here. Sadly, this is a nice, cheerful place with a dark, tragic history. This place, whether from divine intervention, forces beyond mortal understanding, or as a cosmic joke, is enchanted and/or cursed. All who venture and live in this area of the world are gifted with immortality, living without fear of a permanent death; something parallel to the Garden of Eden.

At first, this does not seem like an awful agreement: A beautiful place where you live with nature with the modern comforts of home without the fear of death. This notion, however, is far from the truth. You see, with the power of immortality, this land is cursed with bad luck. If it had not been for the immortality the valley grants, no one in Happy Tree Town would expect to live beyond the end of the week or even the end of the day. In this place, you always come back to life days after death…. but as a wise man once said, "Immortality hurts". When you die here in the valley, it hurts. It ends once you have fully died and recovered back at the Happy Tree hospital.

Welcome to Happy Tree Town, enjoy your stay.

8_8_*

"Come on, are you done yet?"

"Almost."

Two figures stood at the entrance in the back of the super market in the early morning. Both are the same height and figure. They are greedy green brothers and partners in crime. They are Lifty and Shifty, the thieving raccoon twins of Happy Tree Town. They share a common hobby: stealing. Their appearances match almost exactly with each other: their green fur, striped tails, grinning smiles, even their voices closely match. The only difference that helps tell one another apart is Shifty's fedora hat, which the younger sibling, by three minutes, Lifty lacks.

"You call that lockpicking?"

"I'm working as fast as I can."

"Not fast enough obviously. You're slippin' if it takes you 5 minutes to pick a lock."

"Oh I'm sorry bro, how about you try your hand at picking a single-bitted, six-wafer configuration lock with a magnetic brand tamper-sensitive alarm hooked to it using a hard plastic lockpick without tripping the trigger and letting every single cop in a 5 mile radius coming after our furry tails? I'm su~re you can do much better!"

"… shut up and pick."

The one picking the lock manages to get the lock open.

"Open sesame" He says with a grin. They both chuckle and enter the store together. There are aisles and aisles of food around them. There are fruits, produce, cheese, sugars, treats, meals, meats, and plenty of other assortments of goods.

"Whooaa," Lifty exclaims. "Would you look at all that stuff? We could live like kings if we took all this!"

Shifty adjusts his hat, taking a quick look around. "Yeah, too bad we don't have a truck big enough to take them all. So let's focus on something more valuable."

"What's that, bro? Gold, jewelry, a plasma TV?"

The older sibling beams a knowing smirk. "Cash, cold hard cash." He makes his way to the cash register. "There's nothing in the world more valuable than currency, bro. You trade precious gems and gold for the stuff and everyone accepts it. Even more so than credit cards." He takes the cash register from the desk, handing it to his younger brother. "It's what we strive to earn. Everything runs on money, the one who has the most can have whatever they want."

Lifty takes out a large bag from his pocket and places the register into it. "And if we take all that money, we can get whatever we want, right?"

He nods. "You bet, Lift." He takes a look over his shoulder, seeing a shining watch on display in the case in the counter. The green raccoon looks at this piece of fine craftsmanship with self-indulgence in his eyes. "…. Of course… doesn't hurt to pick up a few things along the way." He hops over the counter and takes a look at the lock on the door of the counter.

Lifty raises a doubtful brow towards his brother's actions. "Uh, you sure about that? I mean, it's a pretty good looking watch…. Expensive too… but don't we need to get out of here before the manager gets here?"

Shifty waves his brother off. "Yeah yeah, this won't take any time. You mind tossing the lock pick?"

The younger brother obliges his brother's request and tosses him the lockpick he brought with him. He catches the instruments and gets to work picking the lock. When he does, however, a loud wailing sound starts blaring through the speakers and startles the raccoons out of their fur. They swiftly gaze around, the alarm catching them off guard.

"What'd you do?" The younger brother asks in a panic.

Shifty eyes bug out in fright, scanning the lock for the answer. "… aw no! There's an alarm connected to the case!" He quickly opens the door and scoops out the watch, tossing it into the open bag in Lifty's grip. "Let's get out of here!"

"You don't have to tell me twice." The two kleptomaniacs rapidly make their exit to the back of the store, only to see someone blocking the door.

"What the hell? What's goin' on…" The large, lumbering figure with antlers walks through the door, looking inside the building. The blue moose is wearing a store manager's uniform with his name badly written on the nametag: Lumpy. While not the brightest lightbulb in town, it doesn't take him long to see the problem in front of him. There are two people in the store, before work hours, holding a large bag with something inside of it. He realizes in that moment that they must be shop lifters! He points at them with the angriest face he could muster. "Hey you two, stop right there!"

Their gaze turns towards each other. "Uh oh…" Neither of them wanting to be caught, they did the only thing they did naturally: They ran in the opposite direction with the bag in their hands.

"Hey! Come back here!" The moose goes after the two thieves, making a quick detour to grab a nearby broom to beat them into a pulp. "Rape! Rape! Ra-er… I mean thieves!"

Lifty glances over his shoulder in confusion. "Did he just-"

"Less talking, more running!" They swerve and twist around the aisles as the blue moose chases them down. Going through the aisle with cleaners, Shifty grabs a bottle of floor cleaner. "Time to give him the slip." He opens and pours the cleaning agent behind him.

Lumpy sees this. "Hey, you have to pay for thaaaaaAAAAAAA!" He ends up slipping across the trail of slippery goo left by the raccoon, flailing his arms to get himself to stop. The thieving raccoons turn left at the end of the aisle. Lumpy, on the other hand, rams face first into a wall of potato chips. Chips flew everywhere!

Lifty and Shifty dash out the market, leaving a disoriented Lumpy in the center of the pile of salty snacks.

"Gah… uuh….mm?" There is a crunch noise in the pile. "Mmmmm… pizza flavored chips." The dimwitted moose starts eating the chips in tasteful bliss.

8_8_8_

The thieving twins did not stop until they reach the park. They park themselves on a nearby bench, trying to catch their breaths.

"We did it," Shifty huffs, leaning against the bench to give his feet rest. "I don't see the dumb moose chasing us anymore, must have lost him."

Lifty moans in exhaustion, pulling the bag onto the bench. "Good thing too. I couldn't run with this hunk of metal on my shoulder." He pulls open the bag and reveals the cash register they stole. "How much you think is in there?"

The older sibling shrugs. "Dunno, but we're about to find out." They both chuckle evilly at the thought of the large sum of cash in the register.. He punches a few buttons on the cash register and the cash shelf pops open. The two look inside to find their newly acquired riches. They find 20 dollars worth of dollar bills and 89 cents worth of pennies, nickels and dimes.

Lifty stares at the diminutive amount of cash, eye twitching. "That's it? That's all? Just twenty stickin' dollars? I didn't break a high security lock and get chased down by damn moose just for 20 dollars!"

Shifty, while just as distraught as Lifty, holds his hand up. "Whoa whoa, don't lose your head yet. We still have the watch… " He reaches into the bag and lifts it out. "With this baby, we can pawn off this sucker for some serious cash."

"Yeah…. Yeah your right." He calms down, taking a few deep breaths. He pockets the 10 dollars while his brother takes his half. "Heh heh, almost lost it there." He look up towards his brother, who starts examining the watch for it's value. "How much you think that thing is worth? 5 grand? 10 grand? Maybe one of those rare antique watches worth millions?"

"5 dollars."

Lifty froze, blinking in confusion. "Huh? I must be hearing things, I thought you said it is worth only 5 dollars." The younger brother chuckles, thinking it's his sibling's sense of humor.

Shifty's serious expression, however, told his younger brother it is not a joke.

"This watch is a fake," he exclaims with anger. "A damn plastic display model!" He throws the phony watch against the ground. It shatters into pieces upon contact.

"WHAT?" In a fit of rage, the little brother grabs the cash register with both hands and smashes the object against the watch with all his might. Both the register and the remains of the watch break into millions of bits and pieces. "THIS IS COMPLETE BULLS#$&!"

"Hey hey! Watch your tone." A bear in a rather bright set of yellow pants and large afro strolls down the pathway with a sweat band around his head. The 70's disco fever of the town and "lady's man": Disco Bear. He looks at the two sternly.

"What's it to you, Pops?" Shifty inquires, getting off of his seat.

"I'm having my morning jog. Ya know, getting in shape to look my best for the ladies. Oh yeah!" He adds this remark with a pelvis thrust, much to Lifty and Shifty's disgust. "Don't need to have myself exposed to your brother's bad vibes this early in the mornin'. Will ruin my chances with the chicks." He takes out a comb, brushing his poofy hair.

The raccoon twins roll their eyes.

"Yeah, whatever." Shifty folds his arms, staring Disco Bear off. "Look, we had a rough morning. So how about you make like a banana and split?"

"Hey now, what's the bad attitude for?" He pockets the brush, looking at the smashed stuff on the ground. "By the look of it, you two woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You should try workin' on that."

"Shut it, fat boy!" Lifty remarks angrily. "We just woke in the early hours in the morning to break into the super market! I had to pick a lock with a plastic lockpick, get chased by a stupid moose, and steal a cash register only to find out it only 20 bucks in it and the watch we stole isn't a real watch!"

Shifty slaps his forehead and groans in frustration. '_The stupid,_' he thought to himself. '_It burns._' He couldn't believe that his brother spilled the beans about the heist in front of someone. To someone they hardly even knew! Now he's probably going to run off to the nearest police man to tell on them or worse, try to subdue them. He really didn't want to face a bear, out of shape or not.

Much to Shifty's surprise, the 70's styled bear, while annoyed by the fat comment, simply shrugs his shoulders. "Whatever man. While you guys try to steal a couple of dollars, I'm workin my skills to steal what really matters." He smirks, adjusting his afro with his hands.

Lifty's furious expression drops to confusion, tilting his head. "Huh?"

The older brother also raises a brow at the bear's remark. "Steal what? You don't look like a thief."

Disco Bear chuckles knowingly,"Oh I steal alright." He makes a rolling motion with his hands. Then he takes left and right hands upward and downward respectively, with the index finger pointing out, and with a quick thrust of the hips, he strikes a pose.

"I steal the hearts of women. Aw~w yeah!"

* * *

That concludes this chapter, tune in for the continuation of the story in the near future. Hope you enjoyed today's chapter, be sure to review to let me know what you thought.


	2. Stalking

Hello and welcome back. In today's chapter, we'll see our two raccoon's reaction to Disco Bear's remark.

Why did it take so long to make this chapter? To be honest, for the last few days I wasn't writing the chapter, I was outlining the entire story. That's right, the whole story. Reason? One is to have something to skim over without reading the entire story. Also to put everything in writing and help prevent writer's block which I know will happen while writing this over the course of time. Usually when a writer gets stuck and they did everything in their head, whether it's a day or a week of writing, chances are that they'll forget the important parts of the story that needed to be placed and they wrote themselves into a corner. Trust me; it happened to me multiple times. So by logic and saving heartache, I wrote down the start and finish of the story and outlined it from there. What does this mean? Well, it means the story got an ending now. With a beginning and end, all I need to worry about is writing the middle aka the wasteland. Just need to figure out the pairing.

So will I be taking suggestions? Well, I can't say I will ignore it. I'll be reviewing fan feedback, that's for sure. Testing the waters, what people like and what they hate. Ultimately, there can only be one decision and I'll make it when the time comes.

From what I received, however, people enjoy what's happening so far. So enough of this random preaching, the story shall continue.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or places, only the ideas and concept of the story.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Disco Bear stand there, smiling while in his signature pose. He sees the two raccoons watching him captivated by his performance. Not that it surprises him; his moves are enough to mesmerize both men and woman alike. They are obviously in awe, he thought. They must be realizing the bear with impressive moves and style match his wits and wisdom. Sometimes he amazes himself.

The raccoons stare at him, what he spoke sinking into their brains. Their heads turn towards one another, mirroring the same blank expression. Then the silence breaks.

The twins roll on the ground, roaring with laughter.

"Huh? What's so funny," Disco Bear asks.

"Ha ha, you are!" Shifty says. "I mean, do you listen to yourself? 'I steal the hearts of women, awww yeah!' Bahhahaha! I never heard of anything more ridiculous! And that pose…" He continues to laugh. His brother is laughing so hard that he can't respond, tears streaming from his eyes. He holds his stomach, which hurts from the hilarity.

Disco Bear drops the pose, upset that he got embarrassed instead of praised. "Hey man, that's Bogue and you know it. Definitely not cool. Ya don't see Disco Bear burnin' ya like that. Not my fault you guys don't see the value of a fine lady."

This causes the twins to laugh harder.

The overweight hipster rolls his eyes. "Whatever man, I'm blown this taco stand. Catch you two on the flip-side." Turning his walkman back on, he jogs away from the thieves as they continue to laugh well after Disco Bear is out of sight.

"Ah hahaha… ha… oh my ribs," Lifty says. "That was just… beyond hilarious. That definitely made my day." He wipes the tears from his eyes.

"You're telling me. I thought I was gonna bust a gut." Shifty gets up and dusts off his fedora while his brother stands as well. "Wanna grab a bite to eat and head home?"

Lifty shrugs with indifference. "Sure, not like we have anything better to do."

"Alright, but you're buying." Shifty states, walking down the path with his brother besides him.

"Why the heck should I buy?"

"Because you're the one who blundered the heist."

"What? That was all you!"

"No, it was you."

"No, you!"

"Shut up."

"No you shut up!"

"Let's both shut up, how about that?"

"Whatever. Let's just get something to eat. I'm hungry."

8_8_8

They reach their two story tree house, literally shaped like a tree or possibly a house carved into a tree, with a bag in each raccoon's hand. One look at this house tells that it needs to be fixed up. There is bark peeling on the sides, leaves littering the surrounding area, the lawn is untrimmed, and some windows broken for unknown reasons. Shifty reaches under the welcome mat and pulls out the house key. He unlocks the door and they both walk inside.

"Home sweet home." Lifty said with a trace of disdain. Despite the fact that they lived in this house for a month, it doesn't help that the place is a pigsty. Stuff they've stolen laying around the place as well as the unappealing decor is enough to cause Petunia to go into a coma. "Tell me again why we moved out of our apartment?"

"We got evicted after that caveman in ice froze our room." Shifty says. "I mean, is it really our fault we stole him and brought him home to keep ourselves cool?"

"Um…"

"Don't answer that." He walks over to the sofa and places his bag on his lap. They stopped by the café along the way home and ordered two bacon and egg sandwiches; One for each of them. "Just eat your sandwich." He pulls out his morning sandwich and starts eating.

Lifty nods, sitting himself in the sofa across from him. They silently eat their meal. As they eat, however, the youngest sibling speaks up. "Say Shift…"

"Yeah bro?" He asks, stopping only to take another bite.

"I've been thinking about what Disco said."

Shifty swallows his bite before chuckling. "Yeah, I still think it's pretty hilarious too." He takes another bite.

The young thief shakes his head. "That's not it… well, yeah it's still funny. It's just… well." He fidgets, drumming his fingers along his sandwich. "What if he's right?"

Shifty stops in mid-chew. He stares at his brother as if he turned into Lumpy.

Lifty places his sandwich on the table. "Now before you say anything, hear me out. You know those flicks that show the suave double agent seducing women?" He sees his brother raise an eyebrow, but nods slowly. "See, he has women falling under his charms to get information out of them and to help him out. Now, what if we can do that? To have women give us stuff?"

Shifty chews his food slowly, still eyeing his brother.

"Now, don't get me wrong. I like doing heists and stealing stuff from people as much as you, but wouldn't it be easier if to have them give it away? Buttering them up thinking they are giving it to the right people… I mean, we're thieves right? We're as cunning, sly, and suave as any secret agent. So… why not try it?" He gets uncomfortable by his older brother's silent gaze, lowers his head slightly. He starts to think that this might have been a bad idea.

Shifty swallows. "… I think you might be on to something."

"Really?" Lifty lifts his head.

"Yeah… yeah. I think it might work. There are plenty of dames in town. We know Petunia is pretty loaded with cash, though most of it is in the bank so we can't really get it. Giggles might have something worth taking. Flaky has some hidden stuff stashed away in her house, being the paranoid girl she is." He quickly finishes up his sandwich. "Om nom nom… anyways, I think you've stumbled on something here." He stands up. "We're the best thieves in town; we can steal anything if we put our minds to it. If we steal the hearts of women, then the town will be ripe for the taking!"

"Yeah, now you're talking!" He pauses for a moment, a thought crossing him mind. "Um…. How are we gonna do that?"

Shifty gives his brother a knowing smirk. "Leave that to me. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's making plans."

Lifty nods in understanding, his smirk matching his brother's. "I hear ya, bro." He takes a look at his sandwich. "Um…. Let me finish this first."

"How can you think of eating at a time like this?"

"Easy for you to say, you just ate." Lifty reaches for his sandwich.

"Allow me to resolve that dilemma…" He grabs the sandwich and starts eating it.

"HEY!" Lifty tackles his brother, trying to take back his sandwich. "Give that back!"

"Make me!" He continues to munch the sandwich which further angered Lifty. The two starts pushing and pulling each other. The pushing soon evolved into rough housing to full out wrestling. Many broken furniture and bruised bodies followed.

8_8_8

The clock on the face of Happy Tree Town Hall rings ten times. It's exactly 10 o'clock in the morning. The sky is clear and the people are gathering to the front of this building. Today, there is an announcement to be held exactly this time. We see many of the denizens crowding the square to listen to what his announcement is about. While we see difference faces with no names, we find some of our more familiar residents hanging in the crowd together.

The scientific light blue anteater with the glasses fixes up the microphone on the podium. One of the more intelligent residents, Sniffles' high IQ entitles him to jobs that would require a PhD or technical training. This includes setting up the speakers for the microphone on the podium. He double-checks the microphone before letting Lumpy onto the podium. How he manages to get jobs like these baffles many people, though one could guess is because his past work experiences he gotten by the multiple jobs he took.

The blue moose thanks sniffles for a job well done before taking to the stand. He shifts through the papers to find the beginning. That's the problem with these papers; there are never any numbers to tell him where the first page is! He mumbles to himself a few moments before finding the first page.

"Ah ha! Here it is." Lumpy says, holding up the paper in the air. He then reorganizes them and straightens them out. After all, you got to keep things neat and organized if you are about to tell a crowd something important. "Okay um…" He leans in and tests the microphone. "Hello? Testing testing… mic check. Mic check…. Happy mic check to you, happy mic check to you, happy mic check-" He receives a gesture from Sniffles, the audio guy. It seems he wants him to stop doing that. "Oh, um. Alright, mic works everyone!" Satisfied, he steps off the podium much to the crowd's confusion.

"You're suppose to announce the convention, you simpleton!" Sniffles yells.

Lumpy stops in mid-step. "Ooooh... Why didn't you say so?" He steps back up to the podium. He lifts his hands in the air to silence the crowd. It's something he learned while he took the job as a teacher. "Okay people settle down. Settle down… okay. So welcome ladies and gentlemen. I've been asked by the committee of Happy Tree Town to announce that within 5 days from now, there will be a convention over at the convention center. Now this won't be a… uh… " He pauses to look at the paper in his hand. "Sci-ence fic-t-ion… convention. No, it contently won't. See, this convention is different. This convention is actual a music convention!"

The citizens of the town murmur and chatter among each other. They are fascinated by the idea of a convention involving music.

"Now, as you know, like all big things, it needs people to help put it together. So we're asking you, the people, to come to the convention center if you are interested in helping out. We need many people to help set stuff up like speakers, disc tables, and… other music stuff. Free snacks and drinks will be given to those who help. Now as for what the convention will have, let me list off the things I have here. Now it will have-"

As Lumpy starts listing off the events and things that one can do at the convention, we turn our attention behind a bush on top of a hill nearby. Lifty and Shifty, with binoculars and listening devices, are spying and taking notes. After their little fight, the duo set out to make their plan a reality. The entire morning, they stalked the females they knew and gathering information that they could use for their plan. Said plan being called "Operation: Heartbreaker" by Shifty, much to his younger brother's objection. They still have a lot to figure out, but they are getting closer to knowing their targets. Once they have what they need, they will start mingling with them. The mingling will turn to seduction. Finally, once they have them wrapped around their finger, they will get what they want from them and split before they even know what happened. In theory, the perfect crime.

"Alright," Shifty said. He sets the listening device to the side for now. "What do we have so far?"

Lifty takes a look in his notebook, flipping through pages which were filled with past layouts of houses and areas they used in heists in the past. There were also some doodles of money and other characters scattered about the pages. "Well, we only know four females. Petunia, the blue skunk with the air freshener, has OCD, enjoys drinking lemonade and assorted drinks, and likes things to be neat and clean. She dislikes anything dirty or out of place. She's the most pleasing to the eye as well."

They both chuckle that the remark.

"Heh, yeah. She sure is. Who else?" He takes a pair of binoculars and looks into the crowd to find their targets.

Lifty flips the pages to one with a picture of a pink chipmunk with a bow attached to the page. "Let's see… the next one is Giggles. She's the pink chipmunk. Giggles is the most girly of all the females. She likes pink, cute, and nice things. Possible obstacle is Cuddles, who Giggles enjoys company. They seem to be a "couple" or something. I dunno. Might be possible risk to our plans."

Shifty sneers as he sees Cuddles, the yellow bunny in pink slippers, with Giggles, Flaky, Petunia and Toothy are standing near the front. His arm is wraps around the pink chipmunk's shoulder, talking about something. Possibly about the convention that Lumpy is talking about. "Risk is right. Remind me to bribe Nutty to have him distract the yellow rabbit while we work."

"Good call. I'll order candy and such through backdoor networks and reroute them to our usual pickup locations."

Lowering his binocular, he gives his brother a side-glance. "So what about that other girl, the red flaky one?"

"You mean the porcupine?" He flips through the notes to a picture of said red porcupine. "That's Flaky. Flaky is the tomboy of the girls. She has a severe case of dandruff. Her shyness and paranoid attitude may make things difficult to approach as well talk to. When she's nervous, she stutters a lot and tends to find a way to sneak out of a discussion. Despite this, she seems to be the "easiest" one to take. Her interests lean towards what guys would like. You know, like baseball and stuff."

"Sounds like she's more fun to hang out with than the other girls, that's for sure. At least she doesn't go for those damn tea parties the other girls always do. The dandruff is a bit of a put off though." He takes a look through his binoculars once more. He finds the last target. Lammy, the sheep, is with The Mole, Cro-Marmot, and Mime in the back. While the others such as Russell, Nutty and Flippy are scattered within the crowd itself. Shifty shutters after seeing Flippy. He still remembers that Christmas night when they tried to rob him. They almost succeeded too. After getting too greedy, he woke up and ended up killing the two of them. The damn bear killed him by cutting him open with a cookie. A cookie! How is that even possible?

"Bro? Bro…" Lifty waves his hand in front of his brother's face.

The hat-wearing raccoon snaps out of his thoughts. "Huh?"

"You kinda spaced out. Something the matter?"

"Wha? No, no I just got caught up in something." He regains his composure. "Um, anyways. Anyone else?"

"Well…" Lifty flips through the notes once more. "There is the young lamb that carries around a pickle."

He raises a brow. "The one that bleats out her A's?"

"Yeah."

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah right, like we're gonna go after pickle loving girl. I have standards, you know."

"What, you like older women?"

"Yes… wait, n-no! I mean, m-maybe." He sees Lifty chuckle as he stumbled his words. He smacks him in the back of the head. "Shut up!"

"Ow! Ya don't have ta hit so hard!" He rubs his head tenderly.

"I'll hit as hard as I like. Now scratch Lammy off the list. She don't have worth having anyways."

"Ahem, gentlemen?"

The twins stop squabbling and turn their heads towards the source of the voice.

Standing just behind them is a tall, pale blue figure wearing a red bandana. He is looking down at the two raccoons with his arms folded and foot tapping, his face inquisitively regarding the two's actions.

"You two wouldn't be plotting something incriminating, would you?" Splendid asks.

They turn their gaze towards each other, fear overtaking their faces. The same thought crossing their minds.

'_Uh oh…_'

* * *

That's it for this chapter, tune in next time for the continuation of the exciting confrontation between the thieves and the hero. Will their plans be foiled before they even get started?


	3. A rabbit walks across the street

Greetings, true believers! Heh, always wanted to say that.

Anyways, welcome back to another exciting chapter of Love bandits. Sorry it took so long, but I have other creative outputs other than writing such as drawing and gaming. Hopefully you didn't have to wait too long. Also a heads up, I'm gonna be returning to another semester of college soon so the chapters will come out slower in the near future. That doesn't mean I have given up, just means things will be taken slowly. Maybe a chapter per month. We'll see what happens.

I also like to thank you all for the feedback and reviews. They'll be helpful in future chapters. Maybe this story would be good enough to inspire others to write their own Lifty and Shifty stories. Heh heh

So with that, we shall now continue the story.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Splendid the flying squirrel, the superhero of Happy Tree Town and secretively the reporter of the Daily Acorn, looks upon the two thievious raccoons with a stoic glare.

Many people here know Splendid. His supremacy and skill are legendary among the citizen. He can lift entire buildings, freeze with a light breath, boil up an entire lake with his heat vision, and many more people haven't experienced yet. He patrols the city to serve and protect the people from any and all possible dangers. He also enjoys cooking and baking a variety of gourmet food on his free time. Sadly, he lacks the experience necessary to be a competent hero. Such as when he arrives at the scene of a citizen in need. His actions are haphazard at best. He's very impatient, leaving before making sure the people are safe. This leads to deaths and/or worse things to happen 3 out of 4 times. Not that he knows about that.

The blue squirrel taps his foot, "Well, care to explain yourselves?"

"Um… it's quite simple really." Lifty says. "We, uh-" He tries to rack his brain upon an excuse to use against Splendid.

Shifty comes up with one before his borther, making a gesture to the notebook in Lifty's hand. "Uh… we're… just taking notes."

"Notes?" Spledid leans his head back to look down the ridge of his nose at him. "What kind of notes…"

" Yeah notes… it's about the convention."

"Yeah! The convention," Lifty says.

"Ya see, we heard about the convention and wanted to help out. You know, use our skills for the betterment of the town and all that. So we're gonna work our skills in this convention setup."

"And to earn a quick buck-" The older brother sends a quick elbow to his brother's ribs. "Ow!"

"I see." The squirrel glances at the two before looking past the raccoon's shoulders to the city hall building. "but why are you hiding here in the bushes and not down there where the announcement is taking place?"

Shify is quick on the draw and answers the question with ease. "Not many people like us. So we thought it would be better to stay away from the public. For personal reasons, of course."

"Hmm, I suppose…" The hero rubs his chin with his index finger in thought.

The hatless brother leers at him. "We're not doing anything illegal, Sparkles. So how about you go save a kitten or something. "

Looking annoyed by the remark, Splendid chooses to ignore the raccoons for now. He really didn't want to, but can't do anything about the two raccoons without real evidence to prove that they are doing something illegal. Then he recalls the notebook in the hatless one's hands.

"Then you won't mind me checking on that little notebook of yours." In a flash, the hero snatches the book from Lifty's hands. Before either could react, he opens the book to the most recent pages to see what they are planning. He ignores the protests.

There is a moment of painful silence. The raccoons sweat rivers, feeling that they got busted. The plan ruined, stopped before it even got started. All because the universe decided to play dice their luck and ended up rolling a snake eyes. If only they didn't rush, been more careful, kept a piece of that radioactive nut from before-

The hero slams the book shut, startling the thieves. He rolls his eyes and tosses the book back to Lifty, much to the duo's confusion.

"Um," Lifty says, unsure what to say. "We can explain-"

The hero holds his hand up to silence him. "Please. I do not want to know. What you do in your freetime is not something I like to know."

Lifty and Shifty blink, confusion running though their faces. Lifty grabs and holding the book close to himself with one hand. Is he letting them off the hook?

"Alright, it seems you are not doing anything illegal. Illogical perhaps, but legal. However, if I find you two are plotting something then you will leave me no choice but to dispense justice upon you! "He punches his fist into his hand as emphasis. In a flash, he flies off leaving the two alone.

The twins gaze to Splendid's fleeing form then at each other. Their bodies relax and they sigh in relief.

"That was a bit too close for comfort" Lifty said.

"Tell me about it." Shifty takes his hat off and wipes the moisture from his brow. "For a moment, I thought he would figure us out."

"Why do you think he didn't?"

"Well," Shifty pauses. He thinks, scratching his head. "The way he had been looking at us after looking at those pages. It's like he thought we we were doing something indecent."

The younger raccoon thinks about it with uncertainty. "Indecent? Like what?"

Shifty shrugs. "Hell if I know."

"So what do we do now?"

"We go to the convention center and volunteer."

The younger sibling snaps his eyes open in shock. "Wha-why?"

He packs up the binoculars in his backpack. "Because if we don't blue boy will know we were lying about before."

"Oh…" Likewise, Lifty goes over and packs up the listening device in his backpack.

"Besides," A grin forms upon the face of the witty thief. "This works to our advantage."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, think about it. The volunteers are likely to be the people we know. This includes the women. Now, if we volunteer…"

Lifty's eyes widen in realization. "… we'd be able to be closer to the girls without having to hide!"

Shifty chuckles. "Exactly!"

"I gotta admit, that's a good plan." The younger brother says with a grin. The grin drops to a frown. "Though I kinda wish we didn't have to work as well."

Shifty shrugs. "Eh, if we earn a few dollars for the deal than that makes it better."

"Alright, I'm convinced. Let's hurry up and get over there. The moose should be wrapping up his little announcement now." The twins get everything packed up and dash out of the bushes. The next phase in their plan is about to go underway.

8_8_8

"And finally, there will be people standing in lines wanting to watch movies." Lumpy said. "I hope this helps you decide to attend the convention and enjoy all the wonderful music it has to offer." The moose smiles after finally wrapping up the announcement. With all the charisma and tallness he has, he is sure that everyone would be going. Strangely, he didn't hear anything from the crowd. Not hearing the expected applause, the moose glances around.

Unfortunately for the moose, most of the audience has fallen asleep during his listings of what to expect at the convention.

Lumpy glares at the crowd with fury. Sleeping during announcements? Talk about rude! There's no way he's going to take this sitting down. In fact, he's not going to take this standing up either. He places his fingers to his lips and blows as hard as he can into the microphone. The high pitch whistle screeches through the speakers and jolts everyone awake.

"Hey!" The moose shouts. "Pay attention! It's rude to sleep like that. Now I have to start all over again."

The crowd groans and protests against that, even throwing a tomato at the moose. The tomato smacks into his face, causing Lumpy to fall back and fall off the podium. Not wanting to waste more time so early in the morning, the crowd disperses.

Cuddles and his friends slip out of the crowd, chatting among themselves. Toothy, the purple beaver, stretches out his stiff arms and yawns.

"Urg," Toothy said. "I can't believe I had to hear all that. I heard shorter announcements on the 9 o'clock news."

Cuddles, the yellow bunny with pick slippers, laughs. "Ha! I know what you mean. Lumpy is sure full of hot air when the spotlights hit the guy." He pats the beaver on the back open heartedly.

"Aside from Lumpy's extended annoucement," Giggles, the pink chipmunk, said. "Any of you interested in volunteering?"

"I know I will." Petunia, the clean blue skunk, said. "The convention needs a woman's touch, after all."

Cuddles turns his head to the red porcupine hiding in the back between giggles and himself. "How about you Flaky?"

"Uh," Flaky says in a timid voice. "I-I dunno." The red porcupine stares into the ground while they walk. Personally, the idea of doing somewhere with such a large group of people frightens her. Of course, she's too scared to tell the others that.

"Aw, come on!"

"What if something happens? What if the spotlights fall and hit one of us? What if the speakers cause our faces to melt? What if the stage comes to life and eats us…" The more she thought about it, the more frightened she feels. She is shaking so hard that her dandruff is falling off of her like snow.

Giggles and Petunia roll their eyes at Flaky's overactive imagination. While the chances of a light falling on one of them is possible, the idea of the stage coming to life and eating them is as silly as Lumpy becoming a giant and using them as ingredients for food.

Giggles places a hand on the frightened girl's shoulder. "Don't worry Flaky, nothing is going to happen. Besides, it'll be fun! There will be different kinds of music and music artists there. You may even find new music you'd enjoy."

"Maybe even make music yourself." Cuddles remarks. "Just like me and my band did.' He stops and starts playing air guitar while making 'twing' and 'twang' noises in tune with his fingers. After finishing, he notices their stares. He coughed out a nervous laugh.

The young porcupine lightly chuckles, as does the rest of the group.

"O-okay," She said with a smile. "I'll help out too."

"Well," Toothy states. "if we're gonna work together, might as well grab a bite to eat first."

Cuddles nods, rubbing his tummy. "Now that you mention it, I am getting kina hungry. Can't work on an empty stomach."

"The diner is not too far away." Petunia says with a smile. "Since I work there today, I can give you guys a group discount."

Cuddles beams a smile that makes the sun jealous. "Yeah! Now you're talking!" The yellow rabbit immediately dashes down the street. "Last one there has to pay the bill!"

As soon as he makes it to an intersection, He does see the light hasn't changed yet. He crosses the road, a large semi-truck driven by a purple blind mole powers through. It slams into the weak yellow rabbit in a splatter of blood and limbs. The mole notices the wet splatter of 'water' on his windshield and turns the wipers to clean it off.

The group watched in horror at the scene that occurred. Flaky lets out a choked scream before fainting on the spot. There is a heavy silence, one broken by Toothy.

"I guess that means he's paying the bill."

8_8_8

The sun rises overhead as the day reaches its peak. It's after lunch for the denizens of Happy Tree Town. We find Giggles, Petunia, Toothy, and Flaky making their way to the convention center. They finished lunch despite Cuddles' unfortunate accident. They expect him to come to life at the hospital in the morning. They stop and gaze upon the convention building. It's a tall, circular two-story building with many rooms and conjunct to a hotel on the right side. This is ideal for big conventions that last a few days.

"There it is," Giggles said. "Looks pretty dull without all the signs and stuff."

Flaky looks up at the building, intimidated by its large size. "It's so big, h-how w-w-will we finish in less than a w-w-week?" She quiets down when she realizes she's stuttering again.

Toothy gestures to them. "That's why we're here. Let's head inside before all the good jobs are taken."

They wander through the doors, entering the building. The place is as vast inside as it is outside with some obvious restrictions such as walls and hallways. They follow the signs to the registration booth which is behind a closed office.

"Next!"

The group is interrupted by the sound of two people shouting at the same time. The Mole exits the office. He brushes pass them, giving them a friendly nod before exiting with his new assignment. Feeling nothing to worry about, they walk into the office.

When they get there, they are surprised by who they find behind the counter.

Lifty and Shifty are sitting there with a smug grin plastered on their faces. Lifty is with computer and card printer, printing out IDs for volunteers. Shifty is keeping track of what jobs need to be filled and fill in who has them. The two raccoons perk up once they saw who came. Shifty glances towards his brother with a grin on his face. His brother does the same.

"Well lookie here Lift, we got some familiar faces joining today."

"I believe you're right Shift. Looks like they want to help out too." They both do their trademarked chuckle before looking back towards the group.

This causes Flaky to squeak in fright and hide behind Petunia. Her past experience with the duo hasn't been very good. From hanging her upside down during a play to robbing her place, everything she knew about them is nothing but trouble. The way they smile and talk is enough to make her shiver.

Toothy stares at the twin terrors of crime in confusion and asks, "What are you two doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Shifty asks. He sees them shake their heads. Figures. "We're here because we volunteered to be here."

Petunia stares at them like they are covered in makeup. "You two? Volunteer willing?" The thought alone greatly baffles the blue skunk. "That sounds as ridiculous as Nutty eating fresh corn." This causes everyone and herself to laugh.

The fedora wearing raccoon rolls his eyes. "Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You here to help or not?"

"Yeah, but why are you here?" Giggles asks.

Lifty smirks, leaning against his chair. "We're group coordinators. It's our job to make sure you do your jobs."

Petunia looks at the two skeptically, a hand on her hip. "Now how did you two managed to get that job? There's no way-"

"On the contrary, my dear." Shifty said. A smirk growing on his face. "We gotten the jobs fair and square."

"Really…"Her voice dripping with sarcasm. "How?"

"We got here first." Lifty shrugs indifferently. "Lumpy just gave it to us after we asked."

Giggles sighs. Of course, Lumpy is the one who gave them the job. Only he would do something without checking someone's background.

Shifty stares back at the blue skunk with a raised brow and a cool attitude. "So… any other questions you like to ask?"

Petunia pauses for a moment, but shakes her head.

The two raccoons lean forward with one holding a clipboard in hand. They eye the four people in front of them with a knowing grin and a mischievous glint in their eyes. They ask them one simple question.

"Who's first?"

* * *

That's it for this chapter; sorry if this seems short but if I don't send them out around 2 or 3 thousand words then it would take longer to send these chapters out. Hope you enjoy it so far. What will our green duo do with our heroines? Turn in next time to find out.


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